قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.

موضوع: No Smoking السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 6:11 am

sms

No Smoking

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta?

Man: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, AB vo bhi laga ke baithoon?

~~~~~~~~~

Mashooka: lagta hai meri aankh mein kuch gir gaya, dekho toh.

Mashook: Ek tinka dikh to raha hai, kyu na usey wahin rahney diya jaye, agar main tumhare aankho mein doobonga to Sahara dega.

~~~~~~~~~

Teri pyaari surat pe dil harun,
Teri har jaroorat pe jaan varun,

Jab bhi sochoon teri harkatoon ke bare mein toh,
Dil kare tere kaan ke neeche do marun.

~~~~~~~~~

Two men were in conversation on the beach :

M1: Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
M2: Tumhe nahe pata ?

M1: Nahi pata.
M2: Who to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai isliye eesay beach kahete hai...

~~~~~~
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موضوع: Confessions of a Kid السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 6:32 am

[size=24][

Very Happy

a joke

Confessions of a Kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,
Bobby

Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.

Please! Thank you,

Bobby

Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner", Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Bobby began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: The Monk and The Baby السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 6:41 am

a story

The Monk and The Baby
Sleep

Once there was a monk who lived in a village. One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried. She did not want to expose her boyfriend. Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible, she pointed her finger to that monk.

Her parents were infuriated. The next day, the whole village turned up to blame the him. "How could you?" "You dirty old man!" "You are a disgrace!" "Get out of our village, you hypocrite!" Some villagers even threaten the his life.

After listening to all the accusations, what he said was "Is that so?" and went back to meditate. Months went by; the young girl gave birth to a baby. The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child.

The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying "You are responsible for this baby; therefore you should bring up the baby!" Once again, he said "Is that so?" He took the young baby in his arms and went back.

By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him. He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors.

After a year, he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby. She finally told the real story to her parents. When all the villagers came to know the truth, they all felt ashamed of having wrong him.

So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness. Once again, after listening to them said "Is that so?" He handed the baby back to the young girl.

********

When you are right, one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter. But when you are wrong, ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference.

&&&&&&&&

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موضوع: Never Lie To Your MOM السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 7:35 am

Never Lie To Your MOM

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came! to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, jjust to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love,

Mom.

Lesson of the day:

Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....especially if she is Indian !

&&&&&&&&

__,_._,___ Sleep

موضوع: A cow from alberta السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 8:38 am

a joke

A cow from alberta

Love Daily Jokes? Click to join this group

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"

The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?

"The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Lord Rama and Ayodhya السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 8:42 am

Lord Rama and Ayodhya

[Tale to Understand the Importance of Having a sense of Patriotism for One's Own Country at all times!]

In Ramayana, after the death of Ravana, Vibhisbana fell at the feet of Rama and said, "Swami, I never aspired to be the King of Lanka. I only wanted my brother to give up his bad qualities. I pray to you to take over the Kingdom of Lanka."

All the rakshasas also came and prayed to Rama that he should become King of Lanka.

Lakshmana also supported them saying, "O brother, Bharatha is already ruling over Ayodhya. Even if you return to Ayodhya, you may not be crowned as the King.

So, I request you to take over this kingdom and transform all the rakshasas. Lanka is full of golden mansions. Where else can you find such a beautiful place? I will be very happy if you rule over this Kingdom."

Rama lovingly took Lakshmana close to him and said,

"Lakshmana, how could you get such a silly desire? Just because one's mother is ugly, can he call any other beautiful woman as his mother? Even though my country is poor compared to Lanka, I still consider it as my mother. Lanka may be full of gold, but I don't want it"!!

*********

SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY

What a tremendous patriotism Lord Rama had for his own kingdom Ayodhya! He respected and adored his kingdom like his own "mother" as, any country we belong to becomes our "motherland" since we have been nurtured and brought up in that country, like how a mother nurtures her child.

We should develop this kind of love and faith towards our country. Parents and teachers should inculcate such spirit of patriotism in their children and students. We should declare wholeheartedly with a sense of pride that this is my country, this is my mother tongue.

A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.Unless our conception of patriotism is progressive, it cannot hope to embody the real affection and the real interest of the nation.

We should love and serve our homeland; at the same time not hate or hurt the homeland of others. We should not indulge in criticizing other countries or people belonging to other nations. Having trust and faith in our own country, we won't try to put down any other country. We should never bring grief or sorrow to our country. To have pride in our own motherland is important.

There are millions of educated men and women all over the world, but how many really benefit or contribute to the society's progress? We are utilising our education for our own selfishness and self-interest alone.We have to eschew selfishness and self-interest and make our education useful by resolving to serve the society and our country,for its progress and development. That way we should make the best use of our education we have recieved.

Let us respect and revere our elders and our country and set an ideal to humanity.Let our conduct befit the degrees we have acquired.Education is meant to broaden the mind.Education and discrimination should go hand in hand. The prosperity of the nation depends on the progress we make in the field of education.The future of the nation rests on the students and the dynamic youths a nation produces and nurtures.

Every Nation has stocked plenty of wealth for us. What is this wealth? It is the spirit of sacrifice, which can be acquired through service to society.

"Karmanu bandheeni Manushyaloke", human society is bound by action.

"Sareeramadhyam Khalu Dharma Sadhanam", the body is gifted in order to undertake righteous actions, not to eat, drink and make merry.

We must render service to others till our last breath.

The essence of 18 Puranas can be summed up in one phrase: "Paropakarah Punyaya Papaya Parapeedanam." HELP EVER; HURT NEVER. Set an ideal, which is helpful and delightful to one and all!!

"Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." - John.F.Kennedy.

&&&&&&
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موضوع: Cup of tea السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 9:12 am

a joke

Cup of tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea", which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... Smile

"Did it ever occur to you that the only place that your daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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موضوع: The Guys' Rules السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 9:17 am

[b]

The Guys' Rules

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

***********

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

************
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

************
1. Crying is blackmail.

************
1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

************
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

************
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

************
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

************
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

************
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

************
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

************
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

************
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

************
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

************
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

************
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

************
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

************
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

************
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

************
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

************
1. You have enough clothes.

************
1. You have too many shoes.

************
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

************
1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

************
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!

*********
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موضوع: Indian Hell السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 9:04 pm

a joke

Indian Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Help Yourself السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 9:12 pm

nice a story

Help Yourself

A traveling preacher finds himself in a tremendous rainstorm.

Within a few hours the hotel he is staying in becomes flooded. As the water rises, the preacher climbs to the roof and starts praying.

"Lord, save me so I can continue on my mission of preaching your gospel."

Just then, a coast guard rescue party floats by in a rowboat. "Let's go mister. Into the boat."

"I'll stay here," says the preacher, "The Lord will save me."

An hour later a second boat reaches the scene and the water is close to the roof of the hotel. "Sir, you better get in. the water is still rising."

"No thanks. The Lord will be my salvation."

Toward evening, the hotel is almost completely under water and the preacher is clinging to the satellite dish on the roof. A helicopter is spotted and on a loudspeaker is heard "HSir, grab on to the line and we will pull y ou up. This is your last chance.

"I'm all right," says the preacher, as he looks heavenward. "I know the Lord will provide sanctuary."

As the boat departs, the satellite dish is hit by lightning and the preacher is killed. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates he was furious.

"What happened, " he shouts. "I thought the Lord would provide!"

Moments later a thunderous voice is heard. "Gimmie a break pal. I sent you 2 boats and a chopper"

&&&&&&&&

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موضوع: English Teacher السبت 02 أغسطس 2008, 9:16 pm

funny sms

English Teacher

English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"

Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,

"NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.

~~~~~~~~~

"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"

Do u want a documentary proof ??

Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find al frns behind u !!!

~~~~~~~~~

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect

At her LIPS is Love
CHEEKis Heroism
NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY.

~~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Mother Teresa and God الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 4:30 am

:Da joke

Mother Teresa and God

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal. Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand it..."

God sighed. "Let's be honest Teresa,"

He said, ". . . for just two people, it doesn't pay to cook."

~~~~~~~~

a story

The Carrot, Coffee beans & Egg

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.

She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity -- boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

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موضوع: Lawyer's fees الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 4:55 am

funny sms

Lawyer's fees

A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?

~~~~~~~~~

Buyer to seller: Is your dog faithful?

Seller: Yes, I have sold him 3 times earlier also.

He is so faithful, everytime he returned back to me.

~~~~~~~~~

Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"

1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the cup is clean!"

Waiter instructs the cook: "Two teas, with one asked for a clean cup."

~~~~~~~~~

Lalu was filling up application form for a job.

He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: "Yes!"

~~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Tooth Pulling الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 5:38 am

funny sms

Tooth Pulling

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

~~~~~~~~~

A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?

~~~~~~~~~

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

~~~~~~~~~

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.

~~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: LOVE & LIFE الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 5:43 am

LOVE & LIFE

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. .. and as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE

&&&&&&&
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موضوع: DIVORCE VS. MURDER الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 6:26 am

a joke

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

~~~
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موضوع: The King's lesson on charity الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 6:30 am

a story

The King's lesson on charity

Tale to Understand the Importance of Absence of Niggardliness in One's Life!

A person was advised by a holy man to gift a vegetable a day and told that he would attain great merit by doing so.

The poor man strictly followed the advice. After death, he was reborn in a royal family and grew up to become a king.

He was able to recall what he had done in his past birth. So, he continued to gift a vegetable a day.

Surprisingly, after death, he was reborn as a beggar.

The man was unable to comprehend the reason and so sought the advice of the holy man who had earlier blessed him.

From the sage, he learnt that prior to becoming a king he had been very poor and so a gift of a vegetable a day was sufficient to give him a lot of virtue.

On the other hand, as a king he was endowed with affluence. So, thereafter, the gift of just a vegetable a day was quite insufficient to earn him merit of any consequence.

The person realized that the extent of charity needed to earn a certain degree of merit depends upon one's financial status!!

**********

SPIRITUAL COMMENTARY

Maharishi Gautma has spoken of eight 'Atma Gunas' or personal qualities that every individual should cultivate.

They help a man to enjoy mental peace and happiness. They also give rise to virtue and so their benefits are not confined to the present life.

Further, if people strive to cultivate these, the world will become a happier place.

The seventh ordained quality is 'Absence of niggardliness'. The tendency to hoard and not part with anything in charity is the result of greed.

Lord Krishna in Bhagavad Gita has spoken of desire, anger and greed as the triple gates of hell. Hoarding will never benefit us and when we die, we cannot take our wealth with us.

Neelakanta Deekshitar has humorously advised, "If you are keen that even after death you should not be parted with your wealth and that you should carry it with you in a bundle on your head then give it to the deserving".

Currency notes cannot be taken to the next world. On the other hand, if a miser converts them into virtue by performing charity, he need not fear that he will lose them after death. After all, virtuewill accompany him to the next world.

The scriptures prescribe the giving of gifts to the deserving as an antidote for greed. So, charity, apart from bringing about happiness in others, greatly conduces to the spiritual well being of the donor.

A person who loses some money feels unhappy. But he feels happy, not sad, when he voluntarily gives the same amount to a poor student who is not in a position to pay his examination fees. Charity can thus make not only the donee happy but also the donor!

Thus absence of Niggardliness is a supreme quality one must try to practise for his own evolution and also to keep others around him happy as other's blessings that comes from a true heart is a true blessing for us to have a fulfilled and contented life at every stage!!

"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one." - Mother Teresa.

"You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." - Kalil Gibran

"The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving." - Albert Einstein

"Do not stand on a high pedestal and take 5 cents in your hand and say, "here, my poor man", but be grateful that the poor man is there, so by making a gift to him you are able to help yourself.

It is not the reciever that is blessed, but it is the giver. Be thankful that you are allowed to exercise your power of benevolence and mercy in the world, and thus become pure and perfect." - Swami.Vivekananda.

"Giving is most blessed and most acceptable when the donor remains completely anonymous" - Anonymous.

&&&&&&&
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موضوع: THE BOSS الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 6:50 am

a joke

THE BOSS

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

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"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Salty Coffee الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 6:56 am

Salty Coffee

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:

"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!

Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead.

I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything..

Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.

**********

Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive

Not 2 c but 2 understand

Not 2 hear but 2 listen

Not 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!

&&
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موضوع: Democratic differences الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 7:45 am

funny sms

Democratic differences

Democratic differences between USA & India:

In USA you can kiss in public places but cannot shit,
In India you can shit in public places but cannot kiss!

~~~~~~~~~

PJ:

Que: Why does ADNAN SAMI sing geela geela ???
Think, Think, Think,
Don't know?
ANS: No huggies available in elephant size.!!!

~~~~~~~~~

Have something for U
Close ur eyes !
1..2..3..

Cheater, U didn't close ur eyes, so nothing 4U.

~~~~~~~~~

Money can buy...
House but not Home...
Bed not Sleep...
Medicine not health...
MONEY-IS-DIRTY
It only causes pains and sufferings
SO SEND ME UR MONEY AND BE HAPPY

~~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: Best Break - Off letter الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 7:49 am

a joke

Best Break - Off letter

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.

I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky....... .......

*******

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.

Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: A wonderful story الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 7:53 am

A wonderful story

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

"We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !"

&&&&&&&&

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a joke

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!

~~~~~~~~

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موضوع: God doesn't exist. الأحد 03 أغسطس 2008, 8:23 am

a story

God doesn't exist.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.

As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.

They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?"asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.

Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

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