قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية.

موضوع: I always thought الأربعاء 08 أكتوبر 2008, 8:27 am

always thought loving someone is the greatest feeling,
But I realized that loving a friend is even better.
We lose people we love, but v never lose true friends.

............ ......... ......... ........
Smile

Thank you for touching my life in ways u may never know.
My riches do not lie in material wealth but in having friends like u -
A precious gift from God!

............ ......... ......... ........

Do u ever recall the first day we met?
R first hello?
The day we became friends?
Well, I do and I will always remember.
For that very day, I knew I'd cherish u.

............ ......... ......... ........

50 years from now, I'd be so old I might forget u.
I might not remember ever knowing u, or might forget I once cared for u.
I might.. But I won't.
............ ......... ......... ........

موضوع: Change our vision الأربعاء 08 أكتوبر 2008, 8:31 am

There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.

But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours.

The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed.

When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire's servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other colour and his eye ache would come back.

Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few rupees, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune.

You cannot paint the world green." Let us change our vision and the world will appear accordingly. It is foolish to shape the world, let us shape ourselves first.

Lets change our vision..!!

********

Think simple,Live simple..

********

موضوع: The Stock Market الأربعاء 08 أكتوبر 2008, 8:34 am

The Stock Market simply illustrated ... Is there a lesson here?

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city , you can sell it to him for Rs50."

The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!!!!

***********

موضوع: Beer الخميس 09 أكتوبر 2008, 1:45 pm

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then one fine day I caught her spending 65$ on makeup.

And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for. I don't think shes coming back.

********

موضوع: Pearls الخميس 09 أكتوبر 2008, 1:47 pm

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl.

One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don't forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?"

Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls.

How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't wear them was in the shower - her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green. Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favorite chair every night and read Jenny her favorite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, "Jenny, do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you," the little girl said.

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!" Jenny said. "But you can have Rosie, my favorite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?"

"Oh no, darling, that's okay." Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. "Good night, little one."

A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, "Do you love me?"

"Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you."

"Well, then, give me your pearls."

"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She's my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, Daddy," the little girl said to her father.

"No, that's okay," her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. "God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams."

Several days later, when Jenny's father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. "Here, Daddy," she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father's hand. With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and with the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box.

Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls.

He had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing. So it is with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn't God good?

Are you holding onto things which God wants you to let go of?

Are you holding onto harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities which you have become so attached to that it seems impossible to let go?

Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing....... ......... .

God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

******

موضوع: If ever in your life الخميس 09 أكتوبر 2008, 1:50 pm

If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely
& feel that U have lost every thing,
I will come, Hold your hand,
Take U 4 Walk on a Bridge & Show U where 2 jump From

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
Very Happy

Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds …

Open ur eyes!

Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 secs in thinking of a fool

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

When are you going to marry me?
I can't live without you.
I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die.
See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl..

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

A gift to girl friend that half comes backs to you?
?
?
Think
?
?
?
?
LIPSTICK
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......

Read and enjoy ....

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

********

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself . . .

موضوع: Story time kids الجمعة 10 أكتوبر 2008, 7:13 am

Once up on a time there was a small town in a beautiful country called India.

In that town there were these two kids named AN and AS. Both were known in their community for their intelligence and good Behaviour.

But there is a dark secret. Both had a peculiar and weird problem, one among them (AN) used to mingle with all other members of the community but still would feel "Alone in my own world".

The other (AS) almost lived in his own world and always think about things that are not happening in his life. These two felt it is biggest problem anyone can have in this world. One day both these met in school and discussed their problems and felt its time for them to find the solution.

They heard their friends discussing about a fairy in near by jungle who is kind to people and fulfils the wishes of good people.

Once their exams were over they went to jungle to look for the fairy. After roaming around for a few hours they found fairy. Fairy had a look at these boys and asked them what they were doing in the jungle.

AN said "O my kind fairy! Please hear my problem which is the most gruesome trouble in this whole world. I'm a loner and always feel that I have nobody who can care about me. I always feel I have less money (and this boy has hugeeeeeeeee property, mobiles which he changes 4 tiems a year, a bike and a car) .Please help me "

Fairy patiently listened to him. And then it was AS's turn. He starts " O dear fairy! Don't listen to AN. I'm sure you would feel my problem is the worst in the world when you hear mine. I'm fed up and have no time to look around other beautiful things in the world. I'm the only person who seems to be working and have no one to say hi or talk to me lovingly and also nobody has time to talk to me. Also I'm carzy for bikes and always confused on what to buy. Please help me".

Fairy clearly knew these kids need good counselling and starts telling them to spend some time with their family n friends in community.

We know kids right ? They never listen. And they thought this fairy is not sounding right and termed her too as a kid. That's it Fairy got soooo angry that she cursed both of them that they would always remain kids their whole life. And even after 15-20 years AS and AN remained kids forever.

موضوع: INTERESTING DEFINITIONS السبت 11 أكتوبر 2008, 6:38 am

School:

A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

*********

Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

*********

Nurse:

A person who works up to give you sleeping pills.

*********

Love Affairs:

Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.

*********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

*********

Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.

*********

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

*********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

*********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

*********

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

*********

Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work.

*********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

*********

Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.

*********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

*********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

*********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

*********

Etc.:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

*********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

*********

Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

*********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

*********

Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

*********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

*********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

*********

Optimist:

A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

*********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

*********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.

*********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

*********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

*********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

*********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

موضوع: Come Home Early السبت 11 أكتوبر 2008, 6:40 am

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"

"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.

Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious,"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:

"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.

The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"

MORAL OF THE STORY

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.
But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family....

موضوع: requirements for any job... السبت 11 أكتوبر 2008, 6:42 am

in order to get a joba man rerequires 100% talent...
Very Happy

where as

a female requires only 4% talent..

remainig is ..

\3/\6/
)24(
(3|6)

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazyhusband says"My sweet darlingI am going to take you to moon tonight."

The impatient wife says"Surebut first at least let's see the rocket to get there."

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

Sex is like Pizza

When its hot ym.. it's VERY GOOD.

But then when it's cold its still goo....d.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.

The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death !

موضوع: Newton in Romantic Mood الأحد 12 أكتوبر 2008, 7:00 am

Universal law of Love:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
I love you

************ *

First law of Love:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

************ *

Second law of Love:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

************ *

Third law of Love:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

************ *

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

*********

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

*********

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story

Always let your boss have the first say.

*********

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

*********

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.

They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story

BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

*********

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of this story

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

*********

Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U .

Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.

Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.

Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.

Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.

Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.

Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.

Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.

Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.

Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.

Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY

MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN........ ..

********

موضوع: The Wings of Burden الثلاثاء 14 أكتوبر 2008, 6:16 am

An old legend relates that long ago God had a great many burdens which He wished to have carried from one place to another on earth, so He asked the animals to lend a hand. But all of them began to make excuses for not helping: the elephant was too dignified; the lion, too proud; and so on. Finally the birds came to God and said, "If you will tie the burdens into small bundles, we'll be glad to carry them for you. We are small but we would like to help."

So God fastened upon the back of each one a small bundle, and they all set out walking across the plain to their destination. They sang as they went, and did not seem to feel the weight of their burdens at all. Every day the burdens seemed lighter and lighter, until the loads seems to be lifting the birds, instead of the birds carrying the burdens.

When they arrived at their destination, they discovered that when they removed their loads, there were wings in their place, wings which enabled them to fly to the sky and the tree tops.

They had learned how to carry their burdens, and their loads had become wings to carry them nearer to God.

Burdens we carry for others may become wings of the spirit, to lift us into happiness such as we have never known.

موضوع: P'njaab Airways الثلاثاء 14 أكتوبر 2008, 7:10 am

P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT

Gud marning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal.

On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.

We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night.

Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage.

P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingers have reached to their dest'nation.

For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If engines are too noisy, on p'ssainger request, we can turn them off for comfart, but your flight will become late and you may become the late also.

For our religious p'ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at once. In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly distributed.

We regret that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut.

But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie can be seen from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been opened

For your viewing convenience. For p'ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.

If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent'tainment. Our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!

Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal makhani, unlimited P'ronthas and Lassi.

There is a half charge for Red Label Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on Patiala flights.

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P'njaab Airways flights over P'njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.

Please do read the 'structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your front side. It is not a hand fan.

The P'ssainger behind you must read the card in your backside.

Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land.

Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing. Also do not use force. Broken seats will not be replaced and you will be tied to the floor during take off and landing.

Please be seated first and then fasten your seatbelts. Do not call for steward or airhostess for a glass of water when plane is taking off.

We are about to take-off. We wish you a pleasant flight. For air sikness problems we have echo friendly jute bags in the sit pokets

Thank you once again for flying with P'njaab Airways

************

One day, a very scholarly gentleman, while travelling in India, decided to go across big river, so he asked one of the village people who owned a small boat, if he would take him, to this request the boatman agreed.

As they started, the sun became obscured by dark clouds, and as the river was large, the gentleman realised that the crossing would take some time. So he started a conversation with the boatman.

"Did you know that the sun is approximately 93,000,000miles away, and yet it has provided heat and light, throughout the universe since time immemorial, baring that, if it was to shift, even a fraction of an inch out of its orbit, there would be total devastation?"

The boatman replied; "My dear sir, I am just a simple man who has had no education, there is no way I could know such information"

"Then" said the gentleman "You are 25% fool".

Some time passed, and as they were coming to the ½ way mark, the thunder began to rumble.

"Did you know notice the lightening, just before the rumbling sound". The gentleman asked. He continued. "Do you know how that phenomenon occurs"

"No sir" replied the boatman.

"Its occurrence is due to the expansion of rapidly heated air," the gentleman exclaimed, " You are 50% fool.

About ¾ of the way the weather completely changed. It became dark and started to rain heavily and started filling up the little boat with water clearly making it difficult for the boatman. But the foolish gentleman insisted in questioning.

"Do you know how we get rain",

"No sir," was the reply."

" The sun evaporates water from the sea, this gets stored in the clouds which then travel by be wind power, then when they become full, it lets all the water go, over the land. That's how we get rain."

"You are 75% fool." Said the gentleman, now feeling very smug.

The gentleman was suddenly interrupted from his basqueing by a loud cry from the boatman,

"Oh no! I have lost my oar and now the water is about capsize the boat, we have no alternative but to swim the remainder of the way, luckily for us it is not very far."

"But I can't swim," cried the gentleman now seeing his own imminent death.

"Then my dear sir, you are 100% fool" said the boatman.

********

موضوع: Footprints الأربعاء 15 أكتوبر 2008, 5:53 am

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.

He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??"

To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you"

*******

Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time.

I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints.

I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??"

To which my PM answered, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you... You see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times I was "sitting on your head!!!"

موضوع: Black & White الأربعاء 15 أكتوبر 2008, 5:55 am

In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely.When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day.

I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right.

The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered.

I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object.

The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and told him to come stand where I had been. We changed places, and now she asked me what the color of the object was. I had to answer, "White." It was an object with two differently colored sides, and from his viewpoint it was white. Only from my side was it black.

My teacher taught me a very important lesson learned that day: You must stand in the other person's shoes and look at the situation through their eyes in order to truly understand their perspective .

************ **

موضوع: How old is الأربعاء 15 أكتوبر 2008, 5:58 am

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.

Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..

Very Happy

Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No mam I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher : Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..

Question: What is the full form of math's.

Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..

موضوع: Thoughts to think about الخميس 16 أكتوبر 2008, 12:10 pm

used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

jocolor

***********

Gardening Rule:

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.

If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

***********

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

***********

Never take life seriously.

Nobody gets out alive anyway.

***********

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

***********

Life is sexually transmitted.

***********

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

***********

If quitters never win, and winners never quit,

Then who is the fool who said : "Quit while you're ahead?"

***********

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

***********

Always get the last word in: Apologize.

***********

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;

Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

***********

Some people are like Slinkies . .

Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

***********

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

***********

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

***********

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

***********

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

***********

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

***********

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

***********

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

موضوع: The donkey الخميس 16 أكتوبر 2008, 12:13 pm

A village potter used to make pots and planters. He would go to a near by town to sell his wares. He had a donkey on whose back he would load the pots etc.
study

Diwali was fast approaching, so the potter decided to make some statues of Lord Ganesha and Goddess Lakshmi, to sell in town. He made some beautiful statues and painted them in bright colours. He then loaded them on to the back of his donkey and set off towards the city.

On the way, he crossed many people. They would invariably fold their hands and bow to the statues of Ganesha and Lakshmi. By the time they reached the city, many people had bowed their heads before the deities.

They reached the exhibition ground where the artisans could exhibit their things. Soon the potter was able to sell his statues for a good sum. He was pleased indeed!

The potter took his donkey by the muzzle and set off on the road leading back to the village. Every time they would cross anyone, the donkey would stop and preen himself prettily as if he were a model. But what was the matter! No one seemed to as much as glance at him! Why were people not bowing their heads before him anymore? Desperate to catch their attention, the donkey started to bray louder & louder...

He-haw, he-haw...... He went on. The passers-by started pelting stones at him in annoyance. The potter was bewildered too.

The poor donkey had thought that everyone was bowing to him, little realizing that their reverence was directed to the idols of God tied to his back and not to him!

Many of us make this mistake. A person occupying a seat of power, often finds people saluting him. If he thinks that the salutations are in his honour, he is living in a fool's paradise, like the donkey in the story!

The respect is given to the chair and not to the person occupying it. As soon as he steps down from the position, the people around him vanish.

Frogs croak only when it rains, as soon as the rain stops, they vanish.

********

موضوع: Funny Quotes. الجمعة 17 أكتوبر 2008, 3:52 am

Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect..... . So why practice?

Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa.

One should love animals. - They are so tasty.

Save water. - Shower with your girl friend.

Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop

Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children

"Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk !

"Work fascinates me" - I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives; - Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company, - three's the result!

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know - So... Why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........

*******

موضوع: A BOY'S LOVE الجمعة 17 أكتوبر 2008, 3:55 am

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the store to buy the remaining gifts I didn't manage to buy earlier.

When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself. It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go... Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it...

Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to curse the prices, wondering if all kids really play with such expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who was this doll for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him and said: Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?

The old lady replied: You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear. Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I started to walk toward him and I asked him who did he want to give this doll to. It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. No, Santa Claus cannot bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there.

His eyes were so sad while saying this.

My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy said that Mommy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister.

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the store.

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me: I also want mommy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me.

I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few dollars out and said to the boy. What if we checked again, just in case, to see if you have enough money?

OK he said. I hope that I have enough.

I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money.

The little boy said: Thank you God for giving me enough money.

Then he looked at me and added: I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me.

I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose. You know, my mommy loves white roses.

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever.

The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

موضوع: THINKING OUT OF THE BOX السبت 18 أكتوبر 2008, 1:28 am

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

**********

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built.

**********

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands. (Good one)

**********

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand.

**********

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.

**********

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

**********

Q. What looks like half apple ?

A : The other half.

**********

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A : Lunch and Dinner.

**********

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A : It caused a revolution.

**********

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid

**********

ONE EXTRA SHOT

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

**********