عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية. الثلاثاء 05 أغسطس 2008, 9:23 pm
[u]
a humor
Long live Bachelors
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !! -Anonymous
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. -Oscar Wilde
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. -Scottish Proverb
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -Sam Kinison
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. -H. L. Mencken
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a tenyear married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
Love is blind but marriage is an eyeopener.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. -Anonymous
I asked my wife, " Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?" She said," Somewhere I have never been !" I told her, " How about the kitchen ?" -Anonymous
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. -Anonymous
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. -Anonymous
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." -Anonymous
Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs... .."
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! -Anonymous
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "
Forward this to all your Bachelor Friends...
************
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية. الثلاثاء 05 أغسطس 2008, 9:26 pm
joke
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nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: don't want to go to school الأربعاء 06 أغسطس 2008, 4:52 am
a joke
I don't want to go to school
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?" * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: رد: قصص و فكاهة بالانجليزية. الأربعاء 06 أغسطس 2008, 7:50 pm
the donkey
a joke
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.
The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY???
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Troubled Husband الأربعاء 06 أغسطس 2008, 7:59 pm
[size=24][
Troubled Husband
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally President and CEO
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
------------ --------- --------- ----
MEMO
Mr. Bill Fenton
Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:
********* 1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
********* 2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
********* 3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
********* 4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in homewares... .. and watched what happened.
********* 5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
********* 6. September 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
********* 7. September 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows fromthe bedding department.
********* 8. September 23:
When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
********* 9. October 4:
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
********* 10. November 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
********* 11. December 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
********* 12. December 6:
In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
********* 13. December 18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
********* 14. December 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
*********
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
/size]
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
Kuchh beete hue lamho se mulakat hui Kuchh tute hue sapno se baat hui Yaad jo karne baithe un tamam yado ko To aapki hi yaado se shuruat hui
............ ......... ......... ......... .
UNHE KISSA-E-GAM SUNATE SUNATE KATI RAATEIN AANSU BAHATE BAHATE
KAHI BUJH NA JAYE CHIRAAG-E-TAMANNA CHIRAAG-E-MOHABBAT JALAATE JALAATE
KISSI KO KHABAR HI NAHI LUT GAYAA HU MOHABBAT KI DUNIYA BASATE BASAATE
KEHDE KOI UNSE..... WO KHUD BAAZ AAYE APNE SITAM SE HUM THAK GAYE HAIN MANATE MANATE.
............ ......... ......... ......... .
Jo hukum karta hai woh iltejaa bhi karta hai... Yeh Aasman bhi jaake kahin pe jhukta hai' Tu agar bewafa hai to yeh buri khabar bhi sun le.. Mera intezaar koi aur bhi kartaa hai...
............
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: My Friend Circle الخميس 07 أغسطس 2008, 7:33 am
My Friend Circle Ballo Prasad Yadav came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Rabri, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.
"No !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Rabri snapped.
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: The Funnies On Life الخميس 07 أغسطس 2008, 7:37 am
was God, and I didn't. The Funnies On Life ********** Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
********** For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.
*********** There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.
********** Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car
********** An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
********** Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.
********** I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
********** Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.
********** The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
********** All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down he aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
********** Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
********** Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
********** Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
********** A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
********** John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
********** A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Kuch nasha الخميس 07 أغسطس 2008, 7:39 am
[b]
Kuch nasha
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai, Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai,
Humein aap yun hi sharabi na kahiye, Is dil par asar to aap se mulakat ka hai
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Weeweechu الجمعة 08 أغسطس 2008, 6:27 am
a joke
Weeweechu
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee was sitting by the side of the ocean.
It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu".
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's a perfect time," Huan Cho begged.
"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "Ok, we'll play Weeweechu".....
*
*
*
*
*
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang..... "Weeweechu a melly Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas, and a happy New Year."
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Great Sayings On Marriage الجمعة 08 أغسطس 2008, 6:29 am
Great Sayings On Marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
********* When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Gui try
*********
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
********* By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
********* Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
********* The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
********* "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
********* "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
********* "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
********* The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
********* You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
********* My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
********* A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
********* Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
********* First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Anonymous
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Koshish Kijiye Hame الجمعة 08 أغسطس 2008, 6:35 am
Koshish Kijiye Hame
a sms
Koshish Kijiye Hame Yaad Karne Ki Lamhe To Apne Aap Hi Mil Jayenge Tamanna Kijiye Hame Milne Ki Bahane To Apne Aap Hi Mil Jayenge.
Badalna aata nahi humko mousmo ki tarah Har ek roop main tera intezaar karte hain Na tum samet sakogi jise qayamat tak Kasam tumhari tumhe itna pyar karte hain.
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: cold water السبت 09 أغسطس 2008, 7:26 am
A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend. He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.
He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.
So the young man shrugged and started eating.
The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.
Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.
The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.
As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.
"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: men are like السبت 09 أغسطس 2008, 7:31 am
Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
1. Men are like . .... Laxatives . ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ... Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like P arking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Bad Hearing الأحد 10 أغسطس 2008, 8:06 am
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Before & After of Marriage الأحد 10 أغسطس 2008, 8:09 am
[b]After Marriage - Agar Tum Na Hote
Before Marriage - Maine Pyar Kiya After Marriage - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?
Before Marriage - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai After Marriage - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai
Before Marriage - Dil To Pagal Hai After Marriage - Dil To Pagal Tha
Before Marriage - Ek Duje Ke Liye After Marriage - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye
Before Marriage - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge After Marriage - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge
Before Marriage - Chandramukhi After Marriage - Jwaalamukhi
Before Marriage - Kuwara Baap After Marriage - Bechara Baap
Before Marriage - Titanic After Marriage - Mortgage
Before Marriage - Hum Aapke Hai Koun? After Marriage - Barbadi Ka Kaaran
Before Marriage - Yes Boss After Marriage - Yes Boss
Before Marriage - Mere Sapno Ki Rani After Marriage - Chutki Ki Amma
Before Marriage - Kabhi Kabhi After Marriage - If you are lucky
Before Marriage - Aao Pyar Karen After Marriage - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?
Before Marriage - Hum Apke Hain Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun?
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Yeh raat itni tanha kyun الأحد 10 أغسطس 2008, 8:12 am
[b]Yeh raat itni tanha kyun hoti hai, Kismat se apni sabko sikayat kyun hoti hai, Ajeeb khel khelti hai yeh kismat Jise hum pah nahi sakte usi se mohabbat kyun hoti hai.
............ ......... ......... .....
Har phool ki ajab kahani hai, Chup rehna bhi pyar ki nishani hai, Kahi koi zakhm nahi phir bhi kyu yeh ehsas hai, Lagta hai dil ka ek tukda aj bhi us ke paas hai.
............ ......... ......... .....
Har khamoshi ka matlab inkaar nahi hota, Har nakamyabi ka matlab haar nahi hota. Toh kya huwa agar hum tume na pasake, Sirf paane ka matlab pyar nahi hota.
............ ......... ......... .....
EHSAAS BAHUT HOGA JAB CHOR KE JAYENGE ROENGE BAHUT MAGAR AANSOO NAHI AAYENGE JAB SAATH KOI NA DE TOW AWAAZ HAME DENA AASMA PAR HONGE TOW BHI LAUT KA AAYENGE
............ ......... ......... .....
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Marriage Mix Jokes الأحد 10 أغسطس 2008, 8:16 am
reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"
******
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London . I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year".
******
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g pack of bacon As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selection that could have tipped off the Drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
******
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife was really upset. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up,
she looked out of the window and sure enough there was a small box giftwrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, she put on her robe, ran out on to the driveway and picked up the box.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.
******
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Bug Spray الإثنين 11 أغسطس 2008, 8:17 pm
A salesman was traveling through the country side, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it."
The farmer was dubious.
"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I'll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case......we will make you rich.
The salesman was delighted.
They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck!
Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him. The farmer was perplexed.
"Son," he said, "Now, you don't have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?" The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,
"Doesn't that calf have a mother?
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: he vs she in off الإثنين 11 أغسطس 2008, 8:22 pm
[b]How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)
1. The family picture is on HIS desk. Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk. Umm, her family will come before her career.
2. HIS desk is cluttered. He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered. She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain
3. HE is talking with his co-workers. He must be discussing the latest deal
SHE is talking with her co-workers. She must be gossiping.
4. HE's not at his desk. He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk. She must be in the ladies' room.
5. HE's not in the office. He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office. She must be out shopping.
6. HE's having lunch with the boss. He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss. They must be having an affair.
7. The boss criticised HIM. He'll prove his performance.
The boss criticized HER. She'll be very upset.
8. HE got an unfair deal. Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal. Did she cry?
9. HE's getting married. He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married. She'll get pregnant and leave.
10. HE's having a baby. He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby. She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
11. HE's going on a business trip. It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip. What does her husband say?
12. HE's leaving for a better job. He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job. Women are not dependable.
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Yeh mat sochna ke bhool الإثنين 11 أغسطس 2008, 8:25 pm
Yeh mat sochna ke bhool jayenge tumhe, Door rehkar bhi bahut chahenge tumhe,
Agar dost bankar raas na aaye, To bhoot bankar darayenge tumhe.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Maussam bada behal hai Sur hai na tall hai Msg box bhi kangaal hai, Kya aapki msg factory mein bhi hadtaal hai?
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai.... Reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai.... Woh kambakht na jane kaunse sabun se nahata hai!!
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Kya aap confidence se chalte hai...
Kya aap penalty bharte hai...
Kya aap mobile ke bill se darte hai...
To aap sms kyon nahi karte hai?... La la la la la
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: Oh, Those Darn Lawyers الثلاثاء 12 أغسطس 2008, 7:17 am
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''
nermeen ahmed kamal نجم الجماهير
عدد الرسائل : 4069 العمر : 49 تاريخ التسجيل : 30/07/2008
موضوع: A Potatoes Story الثلاثاء 12 أغسطس 2008, 7:20 am
[b] A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game.
The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.
So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes.
The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.
Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes.
Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended.
The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?"
The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.
Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart.
The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime?"
**********
Moral of the Hatred (Human Vices) story:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take. "Learn to Forgive and Forget."
الثلاثاء 05 أغسطس 2008, 9:23 pm
A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game.